Pregnancy Update

To My Unborn Children

Our little twins. You never stood a chance to survive. You were conceived shortly after your Dad and I got engaged. We were so thrilled to find out we were pregnant. You would have been 3.5 years old last month. You were all the children we'd ever need, our first and last born. I don't… Continue reading To My Unborn Children

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Pregnancy Update

(Almost) Half Way There, Livin’ On A Prayer

It's been over two weeks since I last updated. It's hard for me to write when things aren't going badly. Is that strange? I am 18w6d. It feel surreal because this is the point I used to be so envious of for other women, and here I am, and I'm not quite on the magical… Continue reading (Almost) Half Way There, Livin’ On A Prayer

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The Limbo of Pregnancy After Loss

I had my last hCG check on Monday (19 dpo) and it more than doubled from 1810 to 3920, so we scheduled the first ultrasound to take place on 10/25. That ultrasound will be a major milestone for me and after that it's a race to the second trimester. A very slow race. I've been… Continue reading The Limbo of Pregnancy After Loss

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It’s Not A Zero Sum Game (and p Update)

Having a baby isn’t a zero sum game. So why is it then when I see other women falling pregnant do I think, if she gets her baby I may not get mine? As though, if 1 if 4 must miscarry (and this is closer to 1 in 5 if you exclude chemical pregnancies) then… Continue reading It’s Not A Zero Sum Game (and p Update)

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“p” Update: Beta Results

I did my blood draw this morning (13 dpo) and my first beta is 183! That is the highest beta I've ever had! (edit: highest first beta) At least I think it is, because with my cervical ectopic pregnancy, I didn't have my hCG tested until until 5 or 6 days until after my period… Continue reading “p” Update: Beta Results

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Smug Preggos

("p" update: hCG test is tomorrow morning. FRER was slightly lighter this morning and Wondfo was darker. Choosing not to panic.) Well, that was fast. I posted that I am "p" and lost three followers. I 100% expected it to happen, and understand completely. I've done it myself. You have to protect yourself. Because it… Continue reading Smug Preggos

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Supplements, Acupuncture, and Feeling Jaded

I emailed Dr. J, my traditional Chinese medicine doc, and told her I needed a break from acupuncture because the cycle got cancelled. She responded, “Why did it get cancelled? For what reason?” I wrote back explaining why. No response from her after that. No nothing. WTF? I feel like ever since my cycle cancellation… Continue reading Supplements, Acupuncture, and Feeling Jaded

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Father’s Day, Schmather’s Day

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are not a big deal in my family. My mother left me when I was 13 years old, so Mother’s Days have long been fraught with angst and resentment toward her. Mother’s Day 2014, however, was my first after pregnancy loss and I remember it being a very tearful day.… Continue reading Father’s Day, Schmather’s Day

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How Do You Choose An IVF Clinic?

I’ve written before about my doubts about my fertility clinic. I can’t change clinics until January 2018 when I change my health insurance. See, it’s complicated. I work at a university that offers its own free health insurance. The only caveat is that you have to use their health center that is only for students,… Continue reading How Do You Choose An IVF Clinic?

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Coming of Age on Infertility Island

I picked up my meds for my upcoming IUI! Since the first time I saw a picture like this of fertility meds, I've wanted to take one of my own. That's the stupidest thing you've ever heard, right? Well, I wasn't always this way. I have read this phrase "infertility island" repeatedly, and the earliest… Continue reading Coming of Age on Infertility Island