Last night I was lying in bed, past my bedtime, and catching up on my Facebook groups as I often do. I came across a shared pregnancy progression video. The woman showed her belly for each size milestone while the man held the comparable size item in his hand – seed, fruit, melon, you get… Continue reading Painful Reminders of Loss
The other night I had a dream I was pregnant and we found the heartbeat at 6 weeks and it was too slow to be viable. The doctor in my dream told me that the heart rate too low, and I felt this sad resignation like, “Yeah I knew this would happen again.” It was… Continue reading Infertility Grief Stage 4: Depression
I’ve written before about my doubts about my fertility clinic. I can’t change clinics until January 2018 when I change my health insurance. See, it’s complicated. I work at a university that offers its own free health insurance. The only caveat is that you have to use their health center that is only for students,… Continue reading How Do You Choose An IVF Clinic?
I had my sonohysterogram today. The good news: everything looks good! That’s what was expected, though, as I’ve had two before and no reason to suspect any changes. So, I consider myself able to deal with cervical pain well. Like all of us, I’ve had countless vaginal ultrasounds and internal exams. I’ve had HPV and… Continue reading Zen and the Art of Cervix Maintenance
I picked up my meds for my upcoming IUI! Since the first time I saw a picture like this of fertility meds, I've wanted to take one of my own. That's the stupidest thing you've ever heard, right? Well, I wasn't always this way. I have read this phrase "infertility island" repeatedly, and the earliest… Continue reading Coming of Age on Infertility Island
In January 2016, after a year of marriage, we began trying to conceive. We used protection for all of 2015 because I wanted to “spend a year enjoying marriage with no kids.” I told my husband, “We’ll never have this time again.” He wanted to try to have a baby in 2015, but we waited… Continue reading “At least I know I can get pregnant.”
“I am 1 out of 4.” This statistic is supposed to make me feel better about having a miscarriage. It’s meant to erase the taboo of not speaking about pregnancy loss. If you are one in four, you could conceivably be surrounded by women who have gone through the same troubles as you, and come […]