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Pregnancy After Loss (9 weeks)

Yesterday I had another ultrasound at 8 weeks 6 days. Baby measured 9 weeks 2 days and had a heart beat of 184. It resembled a little gummy bear, you know, that classic ultrasound image I never thought I'd see, that so many of us never get to see. It was also the first week… Continue reading Pregnancy After Loss (9 weeks)

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This Is A Sensitive Post.

This is a sensitive post so please don’t read if your emotional state is crap right now. I have been getting lines on my home pregnancy tests. I am a hurricane of emotions and thoughts. Even though I am technically “p” (I keep seeing WordPress people say they stole this from Mama Jo but I… Continue reading This Is A Sensitive Post.

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Hello, October.

This is my fourth October that I have taken part in some way in Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. This is my fourth year of pregnancy loss. Last October, I signed up for a local ceremony and walk with a required $60 donation. I was picturing something like the walk in the movie The… Continue reading Hello, October.

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IVF#1 Is A Go

Update: On Wednesday I did get a message from a nurse that my E2 is 67 and FSH is 3 (from Estrogen priming? Wtf?) and we are going ahead with the cycle. I needed to have a pity party on Wednesday, though. I am hoping my stupid cyst is hiding some follicles. I also remembered… Continue reading IVF#1 Is A Go

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One Year: What Can Change, What Can’t Change

This is the kind of thing that I resist on a daily basis. I work at a university but I work in the foodservice part of that and this picture is from a recipe testing from our bakery. If it’s not this, it’s literal non-stop product samples, work lunches, or event dinners. I’ve been turning… Continue reading One Year: What Can Change, What Can’t Change

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Random Update After July 4

I had a four day July 4th weekend because I took off Monday, and I strayed off the diet wagon. I’ve put on all of 4 pounds which is enough to send me into a mental tailspin. My metabolism is so shot that 1 cheat meal really sets me back a week. I also have… Continue reading Random Update After July 4

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Infertility Grief Stage 4: Depression

The other night I had a dream I was pregnant and we found the heartbeat at 6 weeks and it was too slow to be viable. The doctor in my dream told me that the heart rate too low, and I felt this sad resignation like, “Yeah I knew this would happen again.” It was… Continue reading Infertility Grief Stage 4: Depression

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“At least I know I can get pregnant.”

In January 2016, after a year of marriage, we began trying to conceive. We used protection for all of 2015 because I wanted to “spend a year enjoying marriage with no kids.” I told my husband, “We’ll never have this time again.” He wanted to try to have a baby in 2015, but we waited… Continue reading “At least I know I can get pregnant.”