Update: On Wednesday I did get a message from a nurse that my E2 is 67 and FSH is 3 (from Estrogen priming? Wtf?) and we are going ahead with the cycle. I needed to have a pity party on Wednesday, though. I am hoping my stupid cyst is hiding some follicles. I also remembered… Continue reading IVF#1 Is A Go
I am having a difficult time finishing my review of Julia Indichova’s Fertile Heart workshop. I enjoyed it very much. I’m glad I went. I am glad that we did it and the experience has given me some tools for creating a more positive mental space for myself. I did buy her audio downloads for… Continue reading Fertile Heart Workshop Experience
I have a lot of fears and anxieties about being unemployed, and I can only trace these to my father screaming at me every few days to find a job (with no car) every summer between college years, after threatening to kick me out of the house when I turned 18 if I didn’t find… Continue reading Job Stress Meets Infertility Stress
I had a four day July 4th weekend because I took off Monday, and I strayed off the diet wagon. I’ve put on all of 4 pounds which is enough to send me into a mental tailspin. My metabolism is so shot that 1 cheat meal really sets me back a week. I also have… Continue reading Random Update After July 4
I am not longer too fat for IVF!!! Yeah I did it! As predicted, I was heavier on the doctor's scale, by 2.5 lb, which is pretty good. I am glad I went below the weight I had to be, and I had a morning appointment, and didn't eat, and wore the lightest clothing I… Continue reading No Longer Too Fat For IVF!!!
If I ever have a child, I will know I worked for that child. I will have worked so hard. Every mile on the treadmill, every time I turn down normal food everyone else is eating, every research study I read, every dollar I save for IVF costs, the meditations, the needles, you get the… Continue reading Desperate Times Call For Desperate Purchases
The other night I had a dream I was pregnant and we found the heartbeat at 6 weeks and it was too slow to be viable. The doctor in my dream told me that the heart rate too low, and I felt this sad resignation like, “Yeah I knew this would happen again.” It was… Continue reading Infertility Grief Stage 4: Depression
I’ve written before about my doubts about my fertility clinic. I can’t change clinics until January 2018 when I change my health insurance. See, it’s complicated. I work at a university that offers its own free health insurance. The only caveat is that you have to use their health center that is only for students,… Continue reading How Do You Choose An IVF Clinic?
What makes an otherwise sane woman pee on a stick (or dip a stick in pee) once, twice, three times a day, starting on 5 dpo? What makes that woman stare at that stark white test and take pictures of it and tweak the contrast options until a line, that may or may not actually… Continue reading Hello Darkness My Old Friend (CD 3)
Cycle day 6 and my lining grew a whole half a millimeter to 4.7mm, and we're down to three follicles, all three still less than 10mm. This ultrasound was done by the doctor I like the least, by the way, just to add insult to injury. His bedside manner just makes everything so much more… Continue reading All Hope: Exit Stage Left.