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Depression, Retreat, and Anovulatory Cycles

I can feel myself easing into the first stages of depression. My body is a tense knot of anxiety. I have forsaken the fucking fertility diet for the time being that I just am so tired of thinking about. I'm still taking my pills, and tracking my cycles, and trying to make a baby from… Continue reading Depression, Retreat, and Anovulatory Cycles

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Second Guessing Infertility

Does your face ever cry without your mind knowing it? This morning I was listening to an audiobook while I got ready for work and a character said she felt proud of the amazing children she and her husband had created. And my mind was on the tub of face cream in my hand but… Continue reading Second Guessing Infertility

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Post IVF Cancellation

I am profoundly unhappy.  Last night was my support group meeting. I love that group because everyone there is screwed, too. Not as much as I am but not the 'Woe is me, I only got 12 eggs at my retrieval' crowd in my online groups. I may need to take a break from those. … Continue reading Post IVF Cancellation

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Supplements, Acupuncture, and Feeling Jaded

I emailed Dr. J, my traditional Chinese medicine doc, and told her I needed a break from acupuncture because the cycle got cancelled. She responded, “Why did it get cancelled? For what reason?” I wrote back explaining why. No response from her after that. No nothing. WTF? I feel like ever since my cycle cancellation… Continue reading Supplements, Acupuncture, and Feeling Jaded

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Painful Reminders of Loss

Last night I was lying in bed, past my bedtime, and catching up on my Facebook groups as I often do. I came across a shared pregnancy progression video. The woman showed her belly for each size milestone while the man held the comparable size item in his hand – seed, fruit, melon, you get… Continue reading Painful Reminders of Loss