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Hello, October.

This is my fourth October that I have taken part in some way in Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. This is my fourth year of pregnancy loss. Last October, I signed up for a local ceremony and walk with a required $60 donation. I was picturing something like the walk in the movie The… Continue reading Hello, October.

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Post IVF Cancellation

I am profoundly unhappy.  Last night was my support group meeting. I love that group because everyone there is screwed, too. Not as much as I am but not the 'Woe is me, I only got 12 eggs at my retrieval' crowd in my online groups. I may need to take a break from those. … Continue reading Post IVF Cancellation

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Supplements, Acupuncture, and Feeling Jaded

I emailed Dr. J, my traditional Chinese medicine doc, and told her I needed a break from acupuncture because the cycle got cancelled. She responded, “Why did it get cancelled? For what reason?” I wrote back explaining why. No response from her after that. No nothing. WTF? I feel like ever since my cycle cancellation… Continue reading Supplements, Acupuncture, and Feeling Jaded

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Pre-Appointment Worries and Fears

IVF consult day! I have a pit of dread in my stomach about this appointment because I have a list of questions and concerns for Dr. M and I have severe doctor anxiety. Growing up poor and often without health insurance, doctor visits were avoided, and when I did see a doctor, it was sometimes… Continue reading Pre-Appointment Worries and Fears

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Painful Reminders of Loss

Last night I was lying in bed, past my bedtime, and catching up on my Facebook groups as I often do. I came across a shared pregnancy progression video. The woman showed her belly for each size milestone while the man held the comparable size item in his hand – seed, fruit, melon, you get… Continue reading Painful Reminders of Loss

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Zen and the Art of Cervix Maintenance

I had my sonohysterogram today. The good news: everything looks good! That’s what was expected, though, as I’ve had two before and no reason to suspect any changes. So, I consider myself able to deal with cervical pain well. Like all of us, I’ve had countless vaginal ultrasounds and internal exams. I’ve had HPV and… Continue reading Zen and the Art of Cervix Maintenance

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Coming of Age on Infertility Island

I picked up my meds for my upcoming IUI! Since the first time I saw a picture like this of fertility meds, I've wanted to take one of my own. That's the stupidest thing you've ever heard, right? Well, I wasn't always this way. I have read this phrase "infertility island" repeatedly, and the earliest… Continue reading Coming of Age on Infertility Island

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Ectopic Pregnancy

On December 30, 2014, a few weeks after my husband and I got engaged, I got a positive pregnancy test while on birth control. My husband and I were elated. We were newly engaged and expecting! We quickly decided to get married in the spring. He wanted to tell his family right away and I… Continue reading Ectopic Pregnancy