This past Sunday my husband and I did our all day intensive Fertile Heart workshop in Woodstock, NY. I am working on another post to talk about that experience, good and bad, and my takeaways from that, but I starting putting some of the tools into practice right away! Last week was my IVF consult… Continue reading IVF #1: “Go For It.”
IVF consult was good! I spent the day on edge, with butterflies in my stomach, heart pounding with dread, unable to pin point why. My husband was not able to make it from work so he will be going back with me to sign the consent forms. The consult went well. The doctor seemed positive… Continue reading IVF Consult: Complete!
IVF consult day! I have a pit of dread in my stomach about this appointment because I have a list of questions and concerns for Dr. M and I have severe doctor anxiety. Growing up poor and often without health insurance, doctor visits were avoided, and when I did see a doctor, it was sometimes… Continue reading Pre-Appointment Worries and Fears
I have a lot of fears and anxieties about being unemployed, and I can only trace these to my father screaming at me every few days to find a job (with no car) every summer between college years, after threatening to kick me out of the house when I turned 18 if I didn’t find… Continue reading Job Stress Meets Infertility Stress
I had a four day July 4th weekend because I took off Monday, and I strayed off the diet wagon. I’ve put on all of 4 pounds which is enough to send me into a mental tailspin. My metabolism is so shot that 1 cheat meal really sets me back a week. I also have… Continue reading Random Update After July 4
I am not longer too fat for IVF!!! Yeah I did it! As predicted, I was heavier on the doctor's scale, by 2.5 lb, which is pretty good. I am glad I went below the weight I had to be, and I had a morning appointment, and didn't eat, and wore the lightest clothing I… Continue reading No Longer Too Fat For IVF!!!
If I ever have a child, I will know I worked for that child. I will have worked so hard. Every mile on the treadmill, every time I turn down normal food everyone else is eating, every research study I read, every dollar I save for IVF costs, the meditations, the needles, you get the… Continue reading Desperate Times Call For Desperate Purchases
Last night I was lying in bed, past my bedtime, and catching up on my Facebook groups as I often do. I came across a shared pregnancy progression video. The woman showed her belly for each size milestone while the man held the comparable size item in his hand – seed, fruit, melon, you get… Continue reading Painful Reminders of Loss
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are not a big deal in my family. My mother left me when I was 13 years old, so Mother’s Days have long been fraught with angst and resentment toward her. Mother’s Day 2014, however, was my first after pregnancy loss and I remember it being a very tearful day.… Continue reading Father’s Day, Schmather’s Day
That moment when you lose 42 pounds and no one notices except for the three people you explicitly told you were trying to lose weight. Yup, I’m five pounds below my clinic’s requirement BMI for IVF! And with 13 days to go until my weight check, I hope to lose more to compensate for the… Continue reading Counting My Blessings and Pounds