These past few days I am struggling with my thoughts and feelings. I don't know where I belong. I no longer have anything to contribute to or any information to glean from my infertility groups. I feel straight up unwelcome at times. As though I have not suffered enough, as though getting "p" is all… Continue reading Trauma of Pregnancy After Loss
I did something crazy - I bought a pregnancy journal. I've always wanted to document and celebrate a pregnancy and I decided to start now since things look good so far, and I don't want to look back and be sad I missed out on the beginning. I've always wanted to do weekly bump updates… Continue reading Positivity for Pregnancy After Loss
Today we had our second ultrasound at 6 weeks 5 days. Embryo is measuring at 7 weeks and we heard the heart beat which was 122 bpm. We go back for another scan next Wednesday. Everything measured perfectly normal but I was hoping the heart beat would be higher. It seems I can never be… Continue reading Happy, Mostly (6W5D)
Yesterday we had our first ultrasound at 5 weeks 6 days. I was on edge all morning until my appointment. My husband took the day off of work (very rare!) and picked me up from work to go to Dr. M's office. My heart was pounding, stomach in knots. In the waiting room he tried… Continue reading Ultrasound 5 Weeks 6 Days
I had my last hCG check on Monday (19 dpo) and it more than doubled from 1810 to 3920, so we scheduled the first ultrasound to take place on 10/25. That ultrasound will be a major milestone for me and after that it's a race to the second trimester. A very slow race. I've been… Continue reading The Limbo of Pregnancy After Loss
Having a baby isn’t a zero sum game. So why is it then when I see other women falling pregnant do I think, if she gets her baby I may not get mine? As though, if 1 if 4 must miscarry (and this is closer to 1 in 5 if you exclude chemical pregnancies) then… Continue reading It’s Not A Zero Sum Game (and p Update)
I did my blood draw this morning (13 dpo) and my first beta is 183! That is the highest beta I've ever had! (edit: highest first beta) At least I think it is, because with my cervical ectopic pregnancy, I didn't have my hCG tested until until 5 or 6 days until after my period… Continue reading “p” Update: Beta Results
("p" update: hCG test is tomorrow morning. FRER was slightly lighter this morning and Wondfo was darker. Choosing not to panic.) Well, that was fast. I posted that I am "p" and lost three followers. I 100% expected it to happen, and understand completely. I've done it myself. You have to protect yourself. Because it… Continue reading Smug Preggos
This is a sensitive post so please don’t read if your emotional state is crap right now. I have been getting lines on my home pregnancy tests. I am a hurricane of emotions and thoughts. Even though I am technically “p” (I keep seeing WordPress people say they stole this from Mama Jo but I… Continue reading This Is A Sensitive Post.
This is my fourth October that I have taken part in some way in Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. This is my fourth year of pregnancy loss. Last October, I signed up for a local ceremony and walk with a required $60 donation. I was picturing something like the walk in the movie The… Continue reading Hello, October.