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Trauma of Pregnancy After Loss

These past few days I am struggling with my thoughts and feelings. I don't know where I belong. I no longer have anything to contribute to or any information to glean from my infertility groups. I feel straight up unwelcome at times. As though I have not suffered enough, as though getting "p" is all… Continue reading Trauma of Pregnancy After Loss

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The Limbo of Pregnancy After Loss

I had my last hCG check on Monday (19 dpo) and it more than doubled from 1810 to 3920, so we scheduled the first ultrasound to take place on 10/25. That ultrasound will be a major milestone for me and after that it's a race to the second trimester. A very slow race. I've been… Continue reading The Limbo of Pregnancy After Loss

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It’s Not A Zero Sum Game (and p Update)

Having a baby isn’t a zero sum game. So why is it then when I see other women falling pregnant do I think, if she gets her baby I may not get mine? As though, if 1 if 4 must miscarry (and this is closer to 1 in 5 if you exclude chemical pregnancies) then… Continue reading It’s Not A Zero Sum Game (and p Update)

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“p” Update: Beta Results

I did my blood draw this morning (13 dpo) and my first beta is 183! That is the highest beta I've ever had! (edit: highest first beta) At least I think it is, because with my cervical ectopic pregnancy, I didn't have my hCG tested until until 5 or 6 days until after my period… Continue reading “p” Update: Beta Results

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Smug Preggos

("p" update: hCG test is tomorrow morning. FRER was slightly lighter this morning and Wondfo was darker. Choosing not to panic.) Well, that was fast. I posted that I am "p" and lost three followers. I 100% expected it to happen, and understand completely. I've done it myself. You have to protect yourself. Because it… Continue reading Smug Preggos

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This Is A Sensitive Post.

This is a sensitive post so please don’t read if your emotional state is crap right now. I have been getting lines on my home pregnancy tests. I am a hurricane of emotions and thoughts. Even though I am technically “p” (I keep seeing WordPress people say they stole this from Mama Jo but I… Continue reading This Is A Sensitive Post.

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Hello, October.

This is my fourth October that I have taken part in some way in Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. This is my fourth year of pregnancy loss. Last October, I signed up for a local ceremony and walk with a required $60 donation. I was picturing something like the walk in the movie The… Continue reading Hello, October.