Two Months Later: Birth Story and Update

Here we are at 9 weeks. I love being a mom so much more than I thought I would and I can't wait to give her a sibling. Hello, secondary infertility. Having said that, I can now confidently say that primary infertility is worse than secondary infertility. I've always hated that debate. So, my daughter…

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Eight Days Old

My daughter is eight days old. My little rainbow. She came to us early, but healthy and the birth was a great experience even if it wasn't exactly as planned. I may write again to document the birth because I love to read the birth stories of my fellow bloggers. But for now this is…

My Mother. Myself.

My parents were never married and they broke up when I was 7 going on 8 years old. My mother asked me to move out with her and I, a mommy's girl, saw no other option. The year I lived with her was hard - not enough food to bring to school for lunch, or…

Not My Best Day (pregnancy update)

Today is a hard day. Yesterday I was so wiped out exhausted that I put my head down on my desk at work and nearly slept. I got home and fell asleep quite early. Today I woke up at 5:30 am and it took me hours to get out of bed and I was late…

Pregnancy Update (11w4d)

It has been a week since my last ultrasound and I have two weeks to go until my next. It's so harrowing not knowing what is going on inside me. I was able to find the heartbeat on the doppler once last week, and then two nights ago I tried again and I thought I…

An Actual Pregnancy Update (And At A Cross Roads)

I am at a crossroads whether or not to blog at all about this pregnancy. Yeah, I ventured to add the rest of the letters on to that P. Yeah, I may be taking them back still. But I've had feedback that my P updates aren't completely unwelcome, and I've also had people unfollow, maybe…

RE Graduation and First Prenatal Appointment

The day before Thanksgiving we graduated from my RE, Dr. M. At 9w6d we measured at 10w1d and heart rate was 172 (down from peak at 184.) We got a video of baby doing a little dance for us. This morning was my first prenatal appointment. I had a quick scan to see if everything…

Pregnancy After Loss (9 weeks)

Yesterday I had another ultrasound at 8 weeks 6 days. Baby measured 9 weeks 2 days and had a heart beat of 184. It resembled a little gummy bear, you know, that classic ultrasound image I never thought I'd see, that so many of us never get to see. It was also the first week…

It Still Hurts

I always thought that being p or having a baby would not erase the pain of others' pregnancy announcements. I was right. It doesn't erase the pain. And I'm not talking about the announcements of total strangers, or the women in my infertility or pregnancy after loss groups, or on the blogs. I am talking…

Maybe A Baby? (7w6d Ultrasound)

Yesterday was my third ultrasound at 7w6d. I was tightly wound and extremely nervous all day. Before the appointment my husband and I had the following text conversation. Me: I'm freaked out. Him: Me too. Let's keep it under control. If it's bad news, let's just deal with it. Be prepared either way. Me: No…