Pregnancy Update

Pregnancy After Loss Frustrations

Warning: this is a vent, a frustration fueled vent, a hormonal oversensitive vent.

Today I’m feeling like I just need to stop talking to people.

First: my co-worker with the pregnant wife. He’s the ultimate one upper. I’m going through a hard time with my family during this pregnancy, so naturally they are going through a harder time. I am unable to walk at times because of my symphysis pubic dysfunction, so naturally, his wife is also immobile in unbearable pain because of… something. On the other hand, I told them wear to buy maternity clothes, and now they are bragging in real life and on Facebook about what a wonderful husband he is for buying her maternity clothes. Also, she bought her shower dress from the store I recommended and it’s the one I wanted. The list goes on and on but I sound like a petty freak and he’s a good friend, I just really wish I didn’t have to go through this pregnancy with his wife.

Second: the infertility community. I’m not in the trenches anymore, so I feel like I’ve been ejected and spit out into the world of fertiles, where I sometimes feel as though am treated like one who has not suffered enough and could not possibly understand the struggle. My mind is still in the trenches. I am still envious and hurt when I see fertiles falling pregnant so easily around me (case in point, above mentioned co-worker). I did not get where I am unscathed, and yet I feel like I am an unwelcome presence among infertiles. I don’t blame them because I’m likely to have a baby in June. But I don’t fit in anywhere, now. I am still a silent member of some of my infertility groups online, and some of these members seem downright hostile toward people with children and babies. I get that, I totally doa. I’ve tried to be sensitive to that sentiment, in this blog and elsewhere. But it horrifies me to think I am now one of those objects of disdain. How often do infertile women see me and go write online about how angry I make them?

79 days to go. I feel emotional all the time but ultimately, I am happy. I am grateful. I am lucky.

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4 thoughts on “Pregnancy After Loss Frustrations”

  1. The struggle is legit. My family also seems to have forgotten just how long of a road this whole thing has been. It’s frustrating. I’ve pretty much all but stopped with the infertility online support groups and hardly post in my birth board group. I talk to a few good friends and that’s about it. The “real world” sucks ass.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes thank you! It really does suck. I’m sorry you’re having family issues, too. I feel better knowing I’m not totally nuts in these feelings.

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  2. I am sorry you are struggling. It sounds like you need to do your best to distance yourself from those who are insensitive including coworker. Sending love

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pregnancy after infertility is a strange spot. As much as we are all desperately trying for a baby, getting that baby doesn’t make what infertility did to us automatically go away. It’s one of those things people don’t usually talk about. I get it.

    Liked by 1 person

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