There was a time when I thought 12 weeks was the second trimester, then I realized it must be 13 weeks, and then some of my apps said 14 weeks, so I decided to wait until 14 weeks to claim second trimester, which is tomorrow!
I had my second prenatal appointment yesterday. Everything is okay (phew) but the two weeks leading up to this appointment have been rough on me emotionally. I have become fraught fear of incompetent cervix. After my cervical ectopic left my cervix a little misshapen I am worried it will be weakened. I don’t want to just cross my fingers and hope nothing bad happens. I want to be proactive.
It’s a long boring story but basically I thought my cervix was opening and leaking amniotic fluid and the nurses at the office didn’t take me seriously, but the midwife did and she made sure everything is okay, ordered an ultrasound to recheck my cervix in two weeks, and verified no amniotic fluid leaked out. So thankful to have a medical provider take me seriously. That isn’t a common occurrence for me. I’d rather be paranoid and safe.
We are going to tell immediate family only on Christmas, and then go public sometime in January when I feel really “safe”.
I am learning what is helpful for me and what is not. Helpful: reading stories about rainbow babies. Some pregnancies turn into take home babies, in fact, most of them do, and mine can, too. This does happen. Not helpful: reading stories about 10+ week miscarriages, incompetent cervixes, and cord accidents. (Pretty sure cord accidents are going to be my fear in the third trimester.)
But I am starting to actually believe I am going to take home a baby in June. Most days are like this. Most days I don’t need the doppler. I’m not confident enough to tell anyone about it yet, but I am getting there.
Remember my coworker who swore he didn’t want attention for his wife being pregnant? He’s been “going public” about their pregnancy for weeks now. He is slowing telling small groups of people in the office, creating special sharing moments between them, and he’s not even done. He handed out Christmas cards to a few people, and the card is a single piece of paper that is over 50% ultrasound photo. That was way more triggery than I anticipated. (Also, who wants to put a giant ultrasound picture up with their Christmas cards?) He’s sworn off alcohol until the baby is born, and thinks that everyone will notice at the department Christmas party (they wouldn’t) so he is planning to tell about 60 people tonight about the pregnancy. Oh, he also has a ruptured cyst in his knee and is on doctor’s orders to stay off of it, but is coming in for the party tonight anyway, I suspect just to bask in the attention. So yeah, I’m already feeling a bit like my pregnancy will be riding on his coat tails, like a “Hey, me too!” situation.