As of Saturday I am officially showing. I thought I wouldn’t show for much longer because I am overweight. I found baby with doppler this morning next to my belly button. Everyone else in my BabyCenter birth board is just now experiencing finding the baby above the pubic bone. It reinforces my suspicion that my large fibroids are growing and pushing things up. It’s kind of triggering body image issues for me because my stomach is the part I am most self conscious of, and I was ready for a baby bump, but at the appropriate time, not now. Also if you don’t know I am pregnant, you might just think I have a big fat pregnant looking belly, especially since I am just draping big shirts over it and I have a B-shaped belly.
Today I am having a good day where I think, “Of course I’m having this baby in June!” But yesterday, I was crying when I couldn’t find the heart beat and sending insane notes to my doctor. I think I am getting set off by my pregnancy after loss groups. I joined them for support but there are so many women who are there going through current losses and talking about previous losses at 14, 16, 18 weeks, and it puts me in a frenzy.
On Saturday we went to NYC and I walked around for a solid 7 hours and had round ligament pain in places I didn’t know would ever feel pain. Because of that, we decided to take a rest on Sunday and skip the baby expo.
When I have my next appointment next week I am going to ask her to measure my cervix. The ectopic cervical pregnancy was real trauma to my cervix, plus I had a colposcopy in college. The last thing I need is to get to the second trimester and have my cervix fail me. I’ve been reading up on signs and symptoms and it seems hard to predict so I need my doctor to humor me and check for this. Luckily I am still taking Crinone which seems to help an incompetent cervix, also.
One last thing that is bothering me is that I am not doing the things I always wanted to do, like weekly pictures or keeping up with my pregnancy journal. I’m not purposefully avoiding these things; I think it’s a subconscious decision.
3 days until the second trimester