It has been a week since my last ultrasound and I have two weeks to go until my next. It’s so harrowing not knowing what is going on inside me. I was able to find the heartbeat on the doppler once last week, and then two nights ago I tried again and I thought I heard it twice so briefly and then it went away. So I think that I heard it and baby moved away.
But I posted about it in one of my non-loss related groups, that is normally very supportive about pregnancy, asking for others’ experiences, you know, if they heard it once and then had a harder time hearing it again. I got two helpful responses and a barrage of rude, very condescending, unhelpful remarks about how I shouldn’t be using a home doppler because even though it’s “fun” it causes more worry.
Um no, nothing about this is fun. I’m not doing this for fun. That remark was the one that made me see red. What an insensitive moronic thing to say. And truthfully I’m not looking for anyone else’s opinion on what I should or shouldn’t do unless I expressly say so. What makes people feel the right to be so sanctimonious?
This coming Sunday we are going to a baby expo. I will be 12 weeks 3 days and yet I am already regretting buying the tickets. It’s way too early to be evaluating strollers and things when I don’t even know if I’ll have this baby. How do regular women do this?? Worst case scenario I’ll just scoop up all of the free things available that I can and feel like I got something out of it.
How am I supposed to just go weeks in between appointments assuming I am still pregnant?