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The Limbo of Pregnancy After Loss

I had my last hCG check on Monday (19 dpo) and it more than doubled from 1810 to 3920, so we scheduled the first ultrasound to take place on 10/25. That ultrasound will be a major milestone for me and after that it’s a race to the second trimester.

A very slow race.

I’ve been actually p for three full weeks and have had knowledge of this for two weeks, and those two weeks have felt like the nine months went by already. My support group leader messaged me and I haven’t said anything to her yet because our meeting is two weeks away and I need more information before I can say if I will go or not.

My announcement of p last week has me firmly placed in the post-infertility category of so many people, which I can completely relate to. I always think of others’ pregnancies as a sure thing. But I don’t feel post-infertile yet. I can’t say I am having a rainbow yet because, um, what if this is another “storm”? It’s weird. I am in limbo between two categories, not comfortable or accepted in either. I have survivor’s guilt already which is turning me into one of those ninnies who have nothing useful to say to a woman struggling with an empty womb.

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “The Limbo of Pregnancy After Loss”

  1. I can’t imagine how long the wait feels. I’ve been wondering about it every day and I am not the one who’s ‘p.’ Glad the number doubled, makes me hopeful. Still anxious, but hopeful. May the next 5 days zoom by.

    Liked by 1 person

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