When a fellow woman with infertility is suddenly pregnant having never received any fertility treatment ever, and now everything is smuggity smug pregnant happy times in your face.
When another one manages 10 posts and is suddenly “blessed” with a “miracle” and half the updates are about “yay baby is coming”, and the other half are “zomg, look how many followers I have!”
There’s more. I have more raging inside me that I need to release and come to peace with and get in a zen place. Maybe I need to step away from some social media. I’m learning to unfollow when needed.
That is all. Today is 6 DPO and my boobs hurt from the progesterone suppositories (from my cancelled cycles that I have decided to use for my minuscule luteal phases) and I know it’s from the progesterone but it makes me remember how much they hurt when I was actually pregnant. And I am eating brazil nuts and pineapple cores and today is Day One back officially on my strict diet. (I took a month break, I feel like I’ve ruined my egg quality for the next three months but shouldn’t the 40 supplements per day be taking care of that, too? Whatever. I can’t go another three months before I try again because I’m nearly eggless as it is.)
I am frustrated and anxious. I am too busy with life to keep up with all my social media, too busy with being infertile to keep up with life, and too busy knitting with a renewed passion to keep up with anything but Netflix.