I am having a difficult time finishing my review of Julia Indichova’s Fertile Heart workshop. I enjoyed it very much. I’m glad I went. I am glad that we did it and the experience has given me some tools for creating a more positive mental space for myself. I did buy her audio downloads for body work and imagery and I don’t regret that, either. Even they don’t actually produce physical changes within me, they are good for wiping out some of my negative repetitive thought patterns. I do plan to continue some of the work. Here is what I started to write about the workshop the day after it took place:
After doing the workshop, my gut feeling is that this is not something Julia Indichova is doing as a money making scheme. I don’t think she is capitalizing on women’s infertility to create a business. She truly believes in her work and this is her passion as much as it is her career. Not that there’s anything wrong with making a living; everything is a business. I just don’t get any indication that the bottom line is ever more important than the actual work for her. That means a lot to me. For me to want to work with a professional in this process, I need to believe they have some stake in this, no matter how small.
I really enjoyed the workshop and there were parts I didn’t like love so much but less than 24 hours later I can’t remember those as much as the parts I loved. We did some of her “body truth” exercises, some of which I didn’t really connect with properly, but the one I did with my husband I sure did. We were to meet one another half way from across the room while she yelled out all of the negative reasons we tell ourselves we shouldn’t, can’t, or won’t have a baby, walking past those reasons. That was really powerful for me.
She went over supplements and diet but not in depth and she didn’t say, “Take this, don’t take this. Eat this, do not eat this.” I got the impression that some of the women in the room wanted more of her opinion on these matters, based on the questions they were asking. But a few things about why I think Julia wasn’t that prescriptive in her diet and supplement advice. First, her books go into detail on what she did and what she thinks works. Second, she mentioned how everyone thinks that wheatgrass lowers FSH because she said she drank wheatgrass and she lowered her FSH in her first book, Inconceivable, and she thinks that drinking wheatgrass isn’t going to lower your FSH alone. Last, her methodology is more about giving the tools to make decisions for ourselves that we think is the best choice, not because someone else told us to do something.
After I wrote this initial assessment of my experience, I started to feel overwhelmed by all the new imagery work and body work and journaling and this and that I was supposed to do on top of everything else that I am already doing and all the things I think I am supposed to be doing but haven’t done yet. Ugh.
The workshop was also my first real interaction face to face with other women/couples with infertility. There were women there with 6 and 7 failed IVF cycles, one with 4 failed donor cycles who went on to have a baby on her own and is now experiencing secondary infertility. There was one woman who has been trying for less than a year, has only one tube, but no other known fertility issues. I struck up a conversation with her over lunch and she seemed to think that she and I were in the same place in our fertility journeys.
Now I realize that I am not an IVF veteran but I also felt like I was where she is nearly two years ago. She kept asking me if I’d tried all the supplements and the acupuncture (sigh) and then asked me if I’d tried “nutritional therapy”. I was like – HUH? I am sitting here eating a berry based fruit salad and lentil crackers and you want to ask me if I’ve tried “nutritional therapy”? Is that because I am overweight??
Then after lunch, Julia kind of spoke against IVF, even though she said she is not against IVF, so this was confusing but I understood that she was speaking to the women who have been scared into IVF as an only option when it isn’t. So I didn’t take her remarks as an indication that I should not be proceeding with IVF. “Nutritional therapy” woman, however, decided to ask Julia if she and I, “who are both just starting out with all this infertility stuff” should maybe not do IVF if it’s so bad? Julia said, “That is not what I said.” I just sat there the whole time thinking, “What just happened? I have a diagnosis and recurrent pregnancy loss and I am doing IVF next month. I am not quite just starting out, nor am I second guessing my choices.”
So yeah, that was interesting. OH and then this woman told me maybe it was time for me to give up and let go and it will finally happen. HUH?
Overall, I’m glad I did it, I’d do it again, but I cannot allow myself to become consumed by the things I should and shouldn’t do. Yesterday I had a nice vegan, gluten free, dairy free, detox day, and I drank my probiotic, and did nearly 3 miles on the treadmill, and took an Epsom salt bath all in the name of “detox” whatever that means, and that’s just going to have to be good enough. I’ll do all the chanting and the meditating and the yoga and whatever else, when I want and when I can.