Pre IVF Cycle Tension

This week I went to my first infertility support group meeting. It is not Resolve affiliated as the two Resolve affiliated groups in my general region are a little bit inconveniently located for me as a commuter. This group was the best thing ever and makes me want to try to make it to one of the Resolve groups and see if I like it. The group I went to was just a perfect fit somehow. Everyone was on the same wavelength and there were many different perspectives represented.

Last time I wrote, Dr. M told me I am doing an antagonist protocol with estrogen priming. My IVF nurse finally put in my med order yesterday so I picked it up last night and was a little dismayed to find a micro dose Lupron protocol set of medications instead. At first I was upset and I couldn’t get out of my funk last night as I struggled to understand why I’d be on this protocol. I don’t know why I thought the antagonist w/estrogen priming protocol would be best for me when I don’t know how I will respond to either, but since then I’ve turned my outlook around and I am back to being excited to see what the hell this cycle may have in store for me. The only thing is, every description of this protocol online that I’ve found mentions starting with birth control pills or estrogen, not a natural start, so I am confused about my time line. Fortunately, tomorrow morning is my med class with the nurse who will explain everything. Talk about cutting it close.

It’s hard to think about anything but IVF right now. I know that I am not alone in this, I read this in blogs and in my online groups every day. But I also know it is partly my own obsessive nature. I was like this when I got married and when I bought a house, too. Of course, I didn’t start a blog about either of those things. Why do we obsess? Why does infertility encompass every part of our minds?

The past few days I’ve also been extra snarky and slightly passive aggressive. I don’t want to see my friends, I’m a little too sarcastic with coworkers, and I’m not even on meds yet. My coworker whom I suspect will announce a pregnancy with his wife within six months was making phone calls to arrange for a romantic surprise this weekend. I don’t know if they are trying for a baby yet, but I bet it happens for them with no effort. It makes me so resentful. It makes me remember when I was doing Menopur IM shots my husband would hover his baby Jesus statue around my naked butt to bless the injections. And they thought they were the only ones who keep romance alive.


2 thoughts on “Pre IVF Cycle Tension”

  1. Dead. I am dead. The imagery of the statue… It totally messes up the mood of the rest of the post. How can you end by making me laugh when I’m meant to be feeling sad that you’re so down?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hah! Sorry! I definitely use humor to deflect all and any pain. I made jokes about my miscarriage last year that NO ONE thought were funny.


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