Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are not a big deal in my family. My mother left me when I was 13 years old, so Mother’s Days have long been fraught with angst and resentment toward her. Mother’s Day 2014, however, was my first after pregnancy loss and I remember it being a very tearful day. Since then, Mother’s Days have been bitter reminders of what I’ve lost but since my family doesn’t celebrate Mother’s Day, it’s manageable.
Father’s Day was yesterday and since we thought this would be my husband’s first Father’s Day twice last year (two losses), I think I took it harder than I expected. It seems like on Mother’s Day, the fathers don’t post a ton to Facebook about how wonderful the mothers of their children are. But on Father’s Day yesterday, it was like every mother on Facebook was competing with every mother they knew to post about the fathers of their children.
Oh no, my husband is the best father, look at him getting his toenails painted by my daughters. Oh no mine is the best, look at him being “Mr. Mom when I need a break.” (Uh, you mean being a parent?) My husband is THE BEST FATHER ever!!
It’s like, okay okay, I get it, you were all able to procreate easily, how wonderful. And my husband only has me and a little cat to care for. Father’s Day does not bother him at all because he isn’t American and didn’t know of this holiday until he came to the United States, so he doesn’t consider this to be a real holiday anyway. That helped me feel better about him not getting to celebrate, but I felt saddened by all the reminders.
It seems like the constant wait and anxiety is getting to me. Last night I proposed to my husband we just try again naturally without IVF and hope we get a good egg and not be able to bank embryos for future babies. He wasn’t into that idea but I guess I’m getting impatient. It’s not even like we’ve been doing this for years. Aside from those who get quick miracles (and I know at least one person like that) we have to have a lot of patience, faith (sometimes blind), and hope against the odds.