I am not longer too fat for IVF!!! Yeah I did it! As predicted, I was heavier on the doctor's scale, by 2.5 lb, which is pretty good. I am glad I went below the weight I had to be, and I had a morning appointment, and didn't eat, and wore the lightest clothing I… Continue reading No Longer Too Fat For IVF!!!
If I ever have a child, I will know I worked for that child. I will have worked so hard. Every mile on the treadmill, every time I turn down normal food everyone else is eating, every research study I read, every dollar I save for IVF costs, the meditations, the needles, you get the… Continue reading Desperate Times Call For Desperate Purchases
Last night I was lying in bed, past my bedtime, and catching up on my Facebook groups as I often do. I came across a shared pregnancy progression video. The woman showed her belly for each size milestone while the man held the comparable size item in his hand – seed, fruit, melon, you get… Continue reading Painful Reminders of Loss
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are not a big deal in my family. My mother left me when I was 13 years old, so Mother’s Days have long been fraught with angst and resentment toward her. Mother’s Day 2014, however, was my first after pregnancy loss and I remember it being a very tearful day.… Continue reading Father’s Day, Schmather’s Day
That moment when you lose 42 pounds and no one notices except for the three people you explicitly told you were trying to lose weight. Yup, I’m five pounds below my clinic’s requirement BMI for IVF! And with 13 days to go until my weight check, I hope to lose more to compensate for the… Continue reading Counting My Blessings and Pounds
The other night I had a dream I was pregnant and we found the heartbeat at 6 weeks and it was too slow to be viable. The doctor in my dream told me that the heart rate too low, and I felt this sad resignation like, “Yeah I knew this would happen again.” It was… Continue reading Infertility Grief Stage 4: Depression
The good news: I hit my IVF weight. Yay! Now let’s make this stick and continue the downward trend. The bad news: Yesterday was CD 18 and I started spotting. I know it’s my period starting. This is bad because it’s way early, like at least 10 days early. I don’t even know if I… Continue reading Erratic Cycles (My Body Is Not A Wonderland)
I take over 30 pills a day, I drink disgusting fertility smoothies (I brag that I have acquired a taste for wheat grass, who am I kidding?), I get weekly acupuncture. For both IUI cycles I did all my own shots, including Menopur to the butt. And I know it can get way worse than… Continue reading Getting to My IVF Weight