Bonus Update: An Extra Dose of Fail

Estradiol is down to 27 from 37. Maybe this is because I lost a follicle. I have no idea. Menopur dose upped to 300iu.

It was so hard to come to work today after my appointment. Before I left my doctor’s office, I had to update my insurance. My doctor has a separate waiting room for women who are pregnant or have children, which I appreciate, but I did not appreciate having to listen to the patient in front of me gush to the receptionist about how blessed she feels to be pregnant. It’s no one’s fault that I had a bad morning and that was miserable for me to hear, I don’t blame anyone. It was just a nice extra helping of misery I didn’t need.

When I got to work I just sat in my car and cried this morning. It’s so hard when you have infertility because, as I’ve written before, it’s not something people are necessarily sympathetic about. People are judgmental and tend to blame infertility on the infertile person. The suffering is invisible.

Every instinct I have is telling me to find a new fertility clinic, but I can’t until next January. There’s the feeling that I am just a part on an assembly line, waiting in a row of chairs to be called for my scans and labs. There’s the fact that my doctor doesn’t remember details from our previous conversations, which might be normal, but bothers me anyway. If I never called to start my scans for the next cycle, I am pretty sure they’d never call me to follow up. It took us a month to get the semen analysis because it’s not on MyChart, it’s a photocopy of a handwritten sheet (wtf?) Some of my labs are ever in MyChart and the ones that are show up a week late.

This is an Ivy League affiliated medical facility, by the way. I didn’t choose this clinic, my insurance restricts me, but I thought that the academic focus of the doctors and the research based medicine would be a good thing. My doctor is a professor at the medical school and has her own research lab. Sounds nice but honestly I feel like getting women pregnant is just the a part time obligation. I think I might need a more personal feel to a fertility center but not sure yet how to find that with a well known successful facility. The SART IVF rates are hard to interpret since I have DOR and I know a lot of doctors won’t treat us and the average IVF success rate does not apply to me anyway.

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1 thought on “Bonus Update: An Extra Dose of Fail”

  1. I completely agree about people not being sympathetic and the invisible suffering. I used to think people just didn’t care, but I think you are right they just don’t acknowledge it as we need them to.

    Your doctor doesn’t sound very organized. I know how frustrating that can be.

    I’m sorry things are so difficult for you right now. Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

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