When I got to my acupuncture appointment today, Dr. J told me I ovulated on CD 17. She said my temps don’t look the way they should, which is what was throwing me, because I have low progesterone. I hope she’s right about me ovulating this month.
She told me to be happy and not feel burdened by my difficulties (hah) and that my body will do what my mind tells it to. I wish that were true. When I lied down on the table, though, I was able to relax very well, and while my mind didn’t clear like it usually does when I meditate, I was able to reach a place of contentment and hope.
For the first time in a while, I felt hope for my own eggs. Both donor eggs and adoption are options that are still on the table for me and my husband. But I have to try my own eggs. I just have to. My insurance covers four cycles of IVF, and by cycles, they mean egg retrievals. The transfers count if done after an egg retrieval, but I don’t get one transfer per retrieval. So not only are donor eggs not covered, but the transfer of donor eggs would not be covered. So I am going through with my covered cycles anyway, but I’ve been feeling like they may be an exercise in futility. Suddenly today on the acupuncture table, however, I had a little ray of hope that hey!, maybe my eggs will work. Maybe I’ll only get one or two viable embryos out of my ovaries but it can happen.
I’ve also decided that we need to start trying again naturally, even if IUI gets cancelled, and in between IVF cycles. I’ve had 9 weeks of acupuncture already (and counting) and I’ve been on the DHEA for nearly three months. I’ve been taking CoQ10 for eight months but since I still had a chemical pregnancy in January, I am hoping that the DHEA is what will make the difference. My egg quality must be improved by now. I know that I can get pregnant so I need to start trying again because I could have one of those miracles, maybe, where I have a natural successful pregnancy with an AMH of <.03. I read the stories online like urban legends that we all aspire to. That could be me, right?